It's a Channel 98 Kentuckiana Severe Weather Alert Day

(Open on local news desk.  Anchor Edwina Teleprompter is at the desk.) 

Anchor: Welcome to the 5 O'Clock News.  Today's a WARP OMG Day.  We take it now to WIMP's chief meteorologist Chase Stormcloud on what to expect.  

Chase:  Thanks Edwina.   It is indeed an OMG day, and on our severity color scale, it's a pink and brown plaid, which is just a step away from olive drab houndstooth, so you know this one has the potential to be....

(dramatic pause)

rough.  

Looking at WARP's Triplecast Omega 3000 Radar, you can see right now....... looks great, right?  Not a cloud in the sky.  But stay with me.  Things are going to change rapidly.  How rapidly?  I'll tell you how in 10 minutes.  

(Clock spins off 10 minutes)

Anchor:  It's a WARP OMG Day, and Chase Stormcloud is here to tell you what you how this may impact your day. 

Chase: Yeah, Edwina, this one is a tough one.  You know, in my 25 years of forecasting weather, I've not seen such a difficult setup.   People on social media are asking me "Chase, is this going to be like Louisville's storms of 1974?"  No.  This is not going to be that.  

If we look at the Storm Prediction Center Map, you'll see they have a large section of our viewing area under a marginal risk.  I don't agree with that at all, and I wouldn't be surprised if they up that risk to a moderate, or Holy Sh(Bleep) later today.   I'll tell you why in 10 minutes.   

(Clock spins off 10 minutes)

Anchor:  It's a WARP OMG Day.  And here's Chase Stormcloud to tell us what to expect.  (Under breath) Or not.

Chase: Thanks Edwina.  It is indeed a WARP Weather OMG Day, and that means you need to be prepared.  Have your safe space in your storm bunker ready to go with fresh batteries, a year's supply of MREs, 10 cases of water, and a NOAA Weather Radio or the WARP Weather Alert App.  If you don't have the app, you can download it from the app stores for Android, Apple,  Blackberry, and Nokia flip phones.   It has all our forecasts, our fun weather facts, and my 38 step tutorial on how you too can do advanced weather modeling.  

We've been telling you about this storm system since last October and now it's here.  The computer models are all over the place on this one, which makes this difficult to predict.   Here's the WHAM Model, which shows a large fleet of Transformers coming down from space and destroying the Yum Center and the Louisville Falls Fountain.  I think that's an exaggeration.   

I think the REM and GFY models are more in line with what we'll get.  What are they saying?   I'll tell you about it in 10 minutes.  

(Clock spins off 10 minute)

Anchor: It's a WARP OMG Day and if you're hoping to find out why, so are we.  Here's Chase Stormcloud of the WARP Storm Supergroup to tell us... something

Chase:  Thanks Edwina.  As I told you earlier, the REM and GFY models are showing us a classic setup.  Let's take a look at our WARP Crystal Ball Futurecast to show you how this unfolds.   At 6 PM.... nothing.   But as we progress to 8 PM, you can see the alacrity of the storms at the 20,000 feet level is looking ominous.  We may see some feldspar supernova developing out of this gluten rich environment, and that's my main concern right now.  If that trend continues, it's quite possible that.... Well, I'll tell you more in 10 minutes.   

(Clock spins off 10 minutes.  Cut to Anchor with her head on the desk. She looks up and shakes her head.)

Anchor: It's a WARP Weather OMG day. Chase, can you tell us when it's going to be bad?  

Chase: Edwina, I just want everyone to know that when it does get bad, we'll be here with all 8 WARP Storm Supergroup meteorologists, including our newest forecaster, Sir Ian McSnowflake, who trained at Julliard, to give us the most dramatic readings of our doppler radar as storms rip through your neighborhood.   Remember that if you're away from your TV, you can always watch us on your WARP phone app, which is now available on your Smart Refrigerator.  

As I said earlier, this storm is really concerning.  If the high pressure from over Canada swoops down with enough force to hit the low pressure out of Hoboken, we could see some medium pressure from Salt Lake City completely get bypassed which is....... frankly...    alarming.    As I told you earlier, this isn't going to be like the 1974 tornados.  Frankly, it's looking more like the storms of May 7th, 1952 in Owen County, which I'm sure many of you remember.  And if you don't I'll share more about it in ten minutes.   

(Clock spins off 10 minutes.)

Anchor: It's a WARP Weather.... just forget it.  Chase?   

Chase:  Thanks, Edwina.   Earlier in the newscast I told you that these storms would be like the May 7th, 1952 storms in Owen County, which many of you remember.  Those supercells decimated Farmer N. D. Dell's cattle barn and took out three acres of trees.  We can expect more of the same from these storms that will hit later this evening.  I'll tell you more about them in 10 minutes.  

Anchor:  The 5 O'Clock news is over, Chase.   

Chase:  Oh.  Well, I'll tell you more at 11.   

Anchor: Won't it be too late then?  How about the Six O'Clock news?  

Chase: Well, we're prempting that for our WARP Storm Supergroup half hour special on that Owen County storm, including an interview with the step-granddaughter of the farmer and the last surviving cow from that day.  You won't want to miss it.  

Anchor:  But what about the storm and the WARP OMG Day?  

Chase:  Oh, we'll break into normal coverage as soon as the storm is within 75 miles of our extended viewing area.   Don't worry.  

Anchor:  I quit.